I'm up in the Green Mountains, once again, where I've been for about the past sixteen years, take off the one year I spent in Finland. It's always been a place where I've relaxed, read, and done lots of writing. This year is no different. However, let's admit it. Surrounded by a lot of family adds a different dynamic. I'm a people pleaser. I'm always nervous that people are happy, or mad at me. This adds to a lot of stress and anxiety. But that's my baggage to deal with - no one else's.
After such a harsh school year, I've rediscovered a love of writing - through postcards and pen pal letters. It's felt so good to write those things again! I've purchased special cards for my pen pals overseas. I've been excited to make contacts again through Postcrossing.com. It feels great! I was in a very dark place this past spring - maybe even more dark than I liked to admit in my previous blog post. I feel like a weight has been lifted, now that I am able to start cooking again, writing to pen pals, and reading lots and lots of books. While on vacation here I've gone through seven books. I'm lucky in that I'm a very fast reader.
I just finished reading, "Behind Closed Doors." Anyone read that yet? So disturbing. An abused wife whom no one would ever imagine being abused. I think this happens in our middle-to upper middle class societies more often than we'd like to admit. We want our lives, and those around us, to fit into the cookie cutter formations. We are all perfect. We are all normal. We go home to good lives, Netflix series, and solid meals. But that's not always the case. I think this is why I'm beginning to hate Facebook more and more. WITH A PASSION. Our lives aren't all about the Facebook posts. So many of us are facing daily battles that aren't on the Facebook posts. The battery. The anxiety. The overextending debt. The child with tough circumstances that we're afraid to admit because the other "mommies" won't accept. I almost want to create a "Dark Side Facebook" where everyone can come out - with their side where they're afraid to leave the house, scared to drive on on-ramps, admit that they feed their kids McDonald's, and reply that they have sugar every day in their diet. I am so done with the high and mighty people on the web. Please. Stop accusing all of us of being human. Let us be who we are. We want to live in our own skin. Be who we are. I'm not one to confirm - to any standard - whether it be vegan, fast food, gluten free, or whateverthehellyouthink. I just want to be me. LET ME BE AND LEAVE ME THE *&^%$# ALONE!
Maybe I'm just feeling my oats on this whole WWW thing. I've thought about setting up an anonymous blog, as I don't want to insult people I know with my thoughts. Yes, I'm that afraid that my personal thoughts will offend people I know. Isn't that sad? That people I know will no longer like me for who I am. That is the world in which I live. The stress. The thoughts. My thoughts. I feel as if the people who know me won't want to know what I have to say.
Thoughts are powerful. Words are even more powerful. And those words can be even more damaging. That's why I'm afraid to write. So I think going forward I will choose to write in private...
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