Axe Me A Question

Anyone who has had to deal with middle school boys has breathed in the scent of Axe.  For Christmas my mom really did try to be hip and cool to give my boys the "in" products, and placed in the stockings were Axe bodywash and shampoo.

Wasn't I surprised when I was standing in the shower, reading the back of the bottle.

Now, let's digress.  I'm such a geek that I actually stand in the shower and spend time reading the backs of bottles.  We could also blame it on the ADD that I truly think I have.  One minute the hair is being suds up by my wonderful French concoction, and the next minute I'm fascinated by an ad campaign that's suppose to attract middle school boys.  Oh, and then I'll probably think about the body wash and why it has a picture of a blue flower and not a pink one.  Where is my coffee?  I'd better finish up the shower so I can drink more coffee.

Poor mom.  Innocent Kidlet A and Kidlet B were at one point receiving Avon roll on soap, and now they're getting Axe that promises "The cleaner you are, the dirtier you get."  What?!?!  Is this what my kids are showering for?  Argh!  I think one is focused on getting dirty in football, and the other is Skyping about videogames.  Perhaps I'm naive.  At heart I still want them to be holding my hands and skipping with me through Harvard Square, heading to Burdick's for hot chocolate.  I'd better wake up.

The Axe phenomenon began last summer when a few boys were over the house.  Suddenly my home smelled worse than Hollister.

"What the heck is that smell?"

"It's an Axe bomb!  (Kidlet B) just let off an Axe Bomb!" Laughter ensued by all middle school boys in the house.  Apparently my home smelling like a very bad date is extremely funny when you're thirteen.  Do they understand the flashbacks I was having?

While teaching one day I went by a girl's desk, and the same odor enveloped me.  No, not again.  I looked at her with complete horror.

"Axe?" I asked.

"Yeah.  They Axe Bombed my notebook."

"I feel your pain.  Oh boy, chica, do I ever feel your pain.  I won't be checking your notebook anytime soon.  No worries."

Directions - Wash.  Attract.  Repeat.  My instructions?  Use.  Make mother vomit.  Make mother go through flashbacks.  Make mother dinner to pay her back.  Never use Axe again.

The marketing geniuses know adolescent boys will believe that the overpowering scent will attract girls who are obsessed with Lululemon headbands, Ugg boots, and cell phone cases.  The Kidlets should do something else.  Just axe mom for advice on how to pick up chicas.  I've got plenty of it.