I Love You Said Emma

Today was to be my first day back at school after my long absence due to cancer / chemo / all sorts of crappy side effects.  However, New England weather had other plans and here I am, doing more planning at my computer.  I'm excited to return to the classroom!  Cannot wait!  My colleagues, my students, the fun!  Seriously, I do get energized from my time at my career.  There are days that are tough, but those only add to the fulfillment in the long run.

When I left school at the end of September it came pretty quickly.  I thought I was going to be the warrior who worked through cancer.  I returned only two weeks after my surgery, and was determined to be there despite my chemo.  Once again, life had other plans.  I remember the day my hair came out in clumps as I stood at my desk, seventh graders in the room.  What was I suppose to do with a bunch of hair in my hand?  I remember the look on a few kids' faces as I was there, mortified.  I just put it in a tissue, tossed it in the trash, called a colleague, and cried in the hall.  During that entire day my hair had been falling out continuously, but never in front of the kids.  They knew I had breast cancer; I had spoken to all my classes with either the nurse or their guidance counselor.  The reality, however, at that point was right in my hands.

Once I made my decision to take a medical leave, I decided to take a few things with me from my walls that touch my soul.  One of them is a drawing my niece did when she was younger.

This is my all-time favorite that Emma has done for me.  It's us, hanging out.  We are both rockin' pretty cool outfits, and of course have smiles.  Above all, "I love you said Emma."  I can be having a rough day and just need to look at this on the wall.  Everything changes.  Emma, a warrior in her own right at the age of 11.  Love you, too.

Vermont.  On Lake Champlain.  When my own kidlets were in middle school.  Before Dad had his serious issues.  Mom's smile.  Sunshine.  Love once again.

This makes me think of each and every summer.

And this.  My statement of teaching. 

Dreamers and disruptors.  Be different.  Take risks.  I don't know why I didn't leave this up to inspire my students to see it in my absence.  Perhaps I wanted to guide them while they take those risks?  To help them dream and disrupt. 

What was breath-taking, today, though, was when I opened up the folder to see these items that I will once again hang on my walls tomorrow, is there was a clump of my hair inside.  To see these strands of blonde was to be taken back to months before my journey really began.  I had no idea how my world and outlook would change in just two months.

And still...how much life will change as I move forward back into the classroom tomorrow.