The Truth is Here...Somewhere

I'm obsessed with the X-Files.  When I heard that there was a new set of shows coming out, I was elated.  AND that the original cast was back?  No way!  What could be better?  

Launch 2016 back to 1993 when the show premiered.  I've been a fan since the beginning.  I'll admit I was skeptic at first, as I'm not really into science fiction.  The Ex convinced me it was worth watching, and an addiction began.  So many great memories, so many great shows.

But something is going on.  Since I heard about the new show I felt like I've been thrown back in time, and my mood has shifted.  I've been on this kick of listening to Courtney Love, Nirvana, and Garbage - all bands that I rocked out to during the X-Files reign.  I painted my nails blue.  I got highlights in my hair.  I cut my hair in a style that was different from the preppy bob I've worn for years.  What is going on?

Back in 1993 my days were filled with worrying about obtaining my teaching license, coaching cheerleading, and a young marriage.  My life is completely different now.  I feel that at that time I had ultimate hope - like the future was open and anything could happen.

Now my days are filled with worrying about renewing my teaching license (does that ever end?!), paying for college, and getting Kidlet A & B a good, used Volvo.  

The move has gone from worrying about me to worrying about them.  The truth is out there - it's now in my kidlets.

I'll admit I'm pretty damn scared that the Kidlets are leaving for college in two years.  Benefits?  Not having to do laundry every day.  Not driving all over to multiple music lessons, snowboarding jobs, and general activities.  But I will miss them so much.  As a single mom they have become even moreso my world these past seven years.  They will make great boyfriends, as who else has been dragged into Sephora before?  And forced to have a discussion about which shoes look best?  

I guess my identity crisis is starting early, as I prep for their departure in two years.  Who will I become once they're gone?  I can't go back to being that thirty-one year old I was when they were born.  My interests have changed.  I can still jam out to Hole and the best of Deadmau5, but the lyrics have changed in my head.  Will I be like Mulder?  Looking for the unknown, seeing something that's not there and hoping to find an answer from beyond?  Or will I be like Scully?  Grounded in the known, feet firmly on the ground, yet sometimes being reluctant to accept the unseen.  Perhaps I'll end up a combination of both.

So I'll continue to set that Pandora station to Courtney Love radio, and cover the kitchen in flour as I bake breads and cookies.  Some things may change, yet others stay the same.  It's said the truth will set you free.  We'll see.  Hopefully the truth will be fun.  

Flying Solo

I've become obsessed with making fresh bread so that I always have a loaf in the house.  I love the smell of it baking, and absolutely adore my one piece in the morning with butter.  I just made a loaf of raisin bread (shown above), so my home smells delicious.  And I am alone.

And you know what?  I enjoy it.

When I first got divorced there was that fear of being alone, without my sons.  How would I fill my time if my kids weren't here?  Seven years later, I am content in so many ways with the hours that I have when I fly solo.

Baking bread seems to be a very solitary activity.  It's not like cookies, where you can ask a child to help you decorate, throw in the sugar and chocolate chips.  This morning I was given a lesson from Breadman in using sourdough starter, but it's up to me to make that final loaf.  Right now I have the dough rising.  I will have so much bread!  Yippie!  My afternoon was spent with Pandora loudly playing, Courtney Love and Nirvana in the background.  My coffee cup was never empty.  My hands were covered in flour.  My kitchen sink is filled with dishes.  But I am so happy.  Oh yes.

(sourdough starter.  Doesn't it look yummy?  hehehehehe)

In the midst of the baking and rising of bread.  I did some Postcrossing.  For those of you not familiar with my addiction, it's the sending and receiving of postcards through Postcrossing.com.  I'm very active in the forum, trading pinup girls, fairies, foxes, and Alice In Wonderland cards.  I make envelopes for those who wish to have their cards protected in the mail.  I cover the cards and envelopes in washi tape, one of my other addictions.

(Only five you say?  Ha!  I have a huge box full!!!)

I texted with friends.  I drank more coffee.  But above all I enjoyed my ME time.

Of course I enjoy being with other people.  I cherish my time with friends and family.  But my time spent alone recharges me for the moments that I spend with them.  I enrich myself when I'm doing the individual things that I really can't do with them.  Want to send out postcards together?  Wouldn't really work.  Hey - want to mess around with washi tape?  That sounds kinky.  Eeek!  Washi tape kinky?  I don't think I want to go to that planet.  My point is that I'm a better person when I get to dance around the kitchen, pretending I'm a grunge singer, immersing my hands in wet dough, and slamming down my tenth (!) cup of coffee.  Would I do that with someone else present?  Of course I would.  But it's downright fun to do it on my own.

My sourdough loaf is in need of shaping.  Kidlet A & B return in an hour.  Life will get back to laundry folding, scheduling appointments, and the making of dinners for three.  Time to get ready to teach some teens some grunge.