As I am determined to not become the Cat Lady of Clemsville, I continue to go out on dates. Am I happy with myself and just being alone? Yes, that too, but I do enjoy time with someone else. So hence, as Dads says, there's a chair with my name on it at the The Java Room. Mr. Right is quite elusive.
I've learned to filter what I say on these excursions. The good dates have lasted a few hours. The bad ones? Yikes - one lasted a painful half hour. I haven't encountered any bad people, it's just, as we say in the dating world, "that we're not a match." What a catch phrase! Thank you for your application, but at this time we cannot offer you a position. Dating is a lot like interviewing for a job. Hence why I have to filter what I say.
I talk a lot. Combine that with the fact that I am a bit goofy and it can be a lethal combination. My crazy imagination comes up with all sorts of funny ideas, and on a first date zingers could fly out of my mouth that would make even the bravest guy say, "What?"
Mr. Date - So, you like Volvos?
MausiGal - Love them! I'm on Volvo Number Six. My newest is a turbo. Great car.
MG's Head - I actually name my cars. My last car, even though it was a wagon, had a sporty, Italian name. I think my car is sexy. And you should, too, if you're going to date me. Volvos rock.
Mr. Date - You're a writer? What's your book about?
MausiGal - The main character is a teen dealing with OCD.
Mr. Date - Oh. Interesting. Do you have OCD?
MausiGal - (brief little chuckle) Oh no! I've had numerous students with this disorder, and done research.
MG's Head - Why are you asking something like that on a first date? Nosy much? Do you have any disorders? It's called fiction, dude, and that's why I write it. I don't have OCD. Now I will play with the napkin and rip it into little pieces, and arrange them in neat piles, all organized. And make you wonder!
Mr. Date - Do you have any pets?
MausiGal - I have a funny cat named Avi. He's so goofy. He actually bounces off of walls!
MG's Head - STOP THERE! Do not talk about Avi sleeping in an old box that oranges came in, or how you talk to him in the morning. Do not talk about how you're still in mourning for LilyCat, whom you had to put to sleep less than a month ago, and referred to yourself as "Cat Killer" for days after. Please, please do not confess that your students love the shirt you own that has cats all over it. Men do not find future cat ladies attractive.
Mr. Date - Are you close to your family?
MausiGal - Most definitely! I've got the greatest parents, and brothers and sisters-in law that are just the best. My niece and nephew mean the world to me. I see them all the time.
MG's Head - My brother insists that I once tried to kill him with a jug of clothes detergent my chasing him and whipping it at his head. He still holds a grudge from when I flushed his toothbrush down the toilet. My other brother? He and I love the movie The Boondock Saints. The scene with the cat? I won't confess that Dads and I can never find my car in the supermarket parking lot (oh wait - I did that yesterday on a date. Oops.)
Mr. Date - What are you looking for in a guy?
MausiGal - Someone who's optimistic, fun, spontaneous, smart...
MG's Head - Didn't you read that freakin' profile I wrote? Do I need to inflate your ego more that you may get the job? Guess so.
I want someone who doesn't ask me the usual dumb questions. I want someone who asks me why I loved Ecuador. I want a guy to find out why I write postcards each morning, and love going to the post office. Someone who would like to know why I'm on a kick of listening to 1960's music. I know, my standards seem incredibly high. But why shouldn't they be?
Forget the filters. I need to be goofy me. Let it all out. Then I'll find that hard to get, hard to find person. If they can handle a MausiGal's mouth, then they will be the right one.
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